


Good Company

by punchbowls



Category: IT (1990), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Pining, Road Trip, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:28:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26633632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/punchbowls/pseuds/punchbowls
Summary: ❝Take care of those you call your own, and keep good company.❞━ Good Company, Queen (Brain May)This was what teenagers did, like the kid, now inside of the 7/11. Teenagers run away from home and scare their mothers, not forty year olds. But here he was, having run away and calling one of his best friends for help.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Mike Hanlon & Eddie Kaspbrak, Mike Hanlon & Stanley Uris
Comments: 60
Kudos: 41





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> oh shit dudes! i finished a multi chaptered fic after like 6 months! thanks for clicking and i hope you enjoy <3

The death of his fish wasn’t really the start of him running away from his mother. That had started the moment Mike Hanlon had called and summoned him back to Derry on the promise of seven children. The call to Derry had started the coming storm, it rekindled something powerful from his childhood and deep in his subconscious mind, Eddie had decided he would leave his mother afterwards, whether he came back dead or alive. He survived Derry and at his mother’s house now, and the fish was the gun cracked to start the next race. 

The fish was a bright, blue betta and Eddie had a grudging kind of love for it. It kept him alive when he was starting to want to be anything but. He couldn’t drive a car off the road after a long shift when he had something relying on him. He never really named the fish, he just called it ‘fish’ with a capital ‘F’ or sometimes ‘Blue’. He had forgotten all about the fish after he passed through the front door when he left for Derry. He remembered it when he came into his bedroom and saw it floating at the top of the tank. 

Numbly, the thought that it looked like how he felt around his mother passed through his mind. The brilliant colors had faded, white bacteria grew in patches over the scales, and it floated with a blank stare through water that hadn’t been cleaned since two days before Eddie left. He wondered if it had starved or suffocated in the filthy green water first. 

His mother was behind him, but her voice was practically white noise now. It had been since he started up the stairs, heading for his bedroom. She had panicked and wailed when she saw him, the shock of her sweet, fragile child in such a state was almost too much. Eddie let her frantically fuss over him with such a detached air that she worried even more. He answered none of her questions, not that he could have over her caterwauling and own things to say. After about fifteen minutes he pushed gently past her and started toward his room. It was a weird sensation as his body instinctively reached for the railing on his left side, only to be unable to perform the action. He looked down for a second, taking in the sensation as his mother babbled behind him, then started up the steps until he reached the middle of his room. 

Eddie dropped his bags onto the floor. They landed with a dull thump on the hardwood and the bottles of pills and medicine rattled inside. His mother stood in the doorway, saying things that failed to reach her son’s ears as he crossed the room and knelt at his dresser so that his head came to the middle of the fish tank. His face was cast in an eerie, green glow as he looked at the dead fish. His mother’s whirlwind of words stuttered and slowed as he watched it, then he interrupted her. 

“Why didn’t you throw her out?” Eddie asked. 

“Wh-what?”

“There’s so much bacteria in here, Ma. It’s unsanitary,” he said. His voice was calm and distantly a part of him marveled at it. “Why didn’t you throw her out?” 

It was silent for the first time since he had come through the door and when his mother finally spoke, she didn’t answer. 

“How can you be concerned with the fish, Eddie? You’re arm is-is  _ gone _ ! And you won’t tell me what happened to you!”

She crossed the room and flung herself to him, grabbing him on either side of his face to turn his head so that he looked at her. With his cheeks slightly smushed between her hands and the remains of scratches on his face now fully visible in the light, Eddie wondered if she remembered the time Bowers pushed his face into the pavement and broke his arm. His arm that was no longer there. He wondered if she would blame it on his friends again, his friends that he went back to in Derry that had nothing for him. Would she blame his friends, the  _ Jew _ , the  _ black  _ boy, the  _ fat  _ boy, the  _ slut _ , that Denbrough boy with a death wish, and that disgusting, vulgar Tozier child? Would she blame them, instead of  _ IT _ ? Of course she didn’t know about IT, but even if she had, she’d still hold his friends in the same regard she always had and it made him sick to his stomach. 

Behind his glasses where she stared into his eyes, he wondered if she could see him return to his body as that odd, detached feeling melted away. Could she see his eyes turn hard and cold like he felt them do so, or was she focused on the blood he couldn’t quite wash out of the cracked lenses and blaming his friends for every drop that had been shed. Her face was distorted behind the spiderweb of cracks, but he saw her face change, as she recoiled from what she had indeed seen arrive in his. 

“How can I be concerned with the fish?” he echoed. With his hand he took one of hers from his face and pulled away from the other. “How could I be concerned with anything other than  _ my own health _ ? That’s what you mean right? That’s what you’ve always meant. How could I be concerned about anything other than my own health and you.” 

“Eddie…”

“Maybe I care about a lot of things, Ma. Maybe my health isn’t the only thing important to me. Did it occur to you that I'm not that selfish? Did it occur to you that maybe I care about other people’s too?” His voice rose with each question. 

“Don’t you care about me? What would happen to me if you didn’t care about your health? If you disregarded it and-and-and died!”

Eddie scoffed and stood up.

“The world’s not all about you,” he said.

Despite her age, she sprung to her feet and faced him with ferocity. “How dare you speak to me that way! After all I’ve done for you-”

“You’ve kept me caged up my entire life!”

“I’ve kept you safe your entire life!”

“You did not! Not when I was a child or now! Maybe I’d actually be more prepared for life if you’d let me live. Instead I’m forty years old and I barely feel like I know how to face the world!” Eddie shouted. 

His mother recoiled and tears formed in her eyes. For a beat, everything he was so sure of faltered. For a moment, he was sure he would apologize and cower under her again. But then she spoke. 

“How was I supposed to know! I still don’t know what happened to you, but I do know you’d be safe if you just stayed with me! I’m your mother, I know what’s best for you!”

Eddie laughed. It was a barking, humorless laugh laced with disbelief. “No, you really don’t. You’ve never known what’s good for me. You made me sick, sick in the head so that I think I have all these problems when the whole time the problem was you.”

His mother spluttered in her shock. Hot, angry tears spilled from her eyes. “You do have problems, Eddie!”

“Yeah, mental ones!”

“Your asthma!”

“My asthma was never real! It was never real! I can’t breathe because of anxiety!” Sure enough too, he could feel his throat threatening to close up as his body trembled. He cursed it mentally.

“Don’t talk that way!”

“Why not?” he shouted again. 

They stood in silence and just stared at each other again, neither sure what to say next. Any second now, Eddie’s breath was going to start whistling and that was the least thing he wanted to happen. He stormed past her without looking back and flew down the stairs, skipping two at a time.

“Eddie! Where are you going?” his mother cried. “Don’t leave me again!”

Eddie jumped the last four steps to the landing and ran out the front door. He ended the month like it had begun, running away with his mother shouting after him. This time, he really was running, and oh did he  _ run _ . He thought he must have run faster than he ever had in his life. His mother’s cries faded into the dark behind him and kept running. Eddie ran until his legs and chest hurt. Even when the dark clouds that blanketed the night sky began to sprinkle, he didn’t stop. He only stopped when the rain began to pour and he slipped on the wet pavement. 

He crashed hard and rolled a couple times until he lay sprawled on his back on the sidewalk. Fat raindrops fell unobstructed onto his face and he realized he’d lost his glasses. The small remaining stump of his arm throbbed from its end and into his chest. Actually, he hurt all over. He was forty years old and had absolutely stacked it on the hard, unforgiving ground. His elbow and knees stung and with a wild delight he knew there would be fresh scrapes there. Yes, he was in pain all over and soaking wet, but he felt free. 

“Hey!” someone shouted. “Hey, mister! You okay?”

Eddie opened his eyes to see the blurry outline of somebody bent over him. No, he could have just broken every bone in his body and now he was lying in the rain and would probably catch pneumonia. 

“I’ll live,” he groaned. “Where am I?”

He couldn’t make out the face without his glasses or through the pouring rain, but he knew it held a doubtful expression. 

“Uh, 7/11. Corner of Middle Neck and Steamboat Road.” The voice was that of a young kid, working the night shift at the gas station. They handed him his glasses. “They’re cracked pretty bad.”

So bad they were pointless in wearing, and probably dangerous too. He thought of Richie, how he was always worried they were going to shatter into his eyeballs. His heart did a funny thing when he thought of Richie then, and he couldn’t quite pin down what it was. He thought he knew, but didn’t want to face that yet. 

“That’s alright, they already were anyway,” Eddie said, “Do you have a telephone in there?” 

“There’s a payphone,” the kid said. They stuck out a hand and helped Eddie to his feet. 

“Thank you.”

“Sure thing… you sure you’re okay?”

“Yes, I’m going to call a friend,” Eddie said as they walked between the gas pumps.

“Okay. Um, good luck to you.”

“Thank you,” Eddie said. 

He went to the payphone and huddled into the small, plastic box. Rain pattered on the top as he fished for change in his wallet. The bills inside were damp. He finally found a quarter and held it in his fingers as he debated who to call. He had more quarters, he could make multiple calls. He thought about calling Richie, all the way in California to tell him what he had just done. There was a giddy, jumping part of his heart that wanted to share the moment with him. But what he really needed right now was Richie- no not, Richie, rain. He needed to get out of the rain. He’d call Bill, because Bill was staying in his house in New York with Audra for a little bit before going back to England. 

He picked up the phone and nestled it between his shoulder and ear. It took several tries because his black turtleneck and skin were slick with water and the phone kept slipping. He finally got it to stay long enough to insert the quarter and dial the number until he could hold it in his hand. 

As the phone rang, he suddenly felt like a teenager. This was what teenagers did, like the kid, now inside of the 7/11. Teenagers run away from home and scare their mothers, not forty year olds. But here he was, having run away and calling one of his best friends for help. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie calls Bill.

Most forty year olds don’t still live with their overprotective mother, a voice said in the back of his head as the phone was answered.

“Hello?” came Bill’s voice.

“Bill? Bill, it’s Eddie.”

“Eddie? What’s happening? And what’s that noise?”

“It’s rain,” Eddie answered. That was all he said. He wanted to explain what happened but he suddenly felt like the weight of it had started to crush him. His chest constricted and a wheeze escaped from his lips until he forced it to stop.

“Where are you?” Bill asked, voice void of it’s previous grogginess.

“I ran away,” Eddie said, and it was like a floodgate had opened. He was sure Bill couldn’t understand half of what he said, but he couldn’t stop. “I ran away from my mother. She freaked out when I got home, but  _ Fish _ , Bill, Fish died and I gave Ma a piece of mind. She cried, she had so many tears, but I didn’t give in this time and I got away from her, you bet your fur. I even jumped down the last four stairs on my way out and I ran the whole way. I can  _ run _ , Bill.”

He was gasping in huge lungfuls of air as he spoke, but that giddy feeling was back. He hadn’t given in to her for the second time. 

“Okay. Okay, Eddie,” Bill interrupted whatever Eddie was going to say next, “I need you to tell me where you are and I’ll come pick you up, okay?”

Eddie nodded, even though Bill couldn’t see him of course. “I’m at the 7/11 on the corner of Middle Neck and Steamboat.”

“Okay, stay there, I’ll be there in about five minutes.”

“Okay.”

“Be there soon, Eddie.”

“Okay. Hey, Bill?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”’

“I love you too, Eddie. Go inside and I’ll see you in a little bit.”

They hung up and Eddie did go inside. It was warm; Eddie hadn’t even realized he was cold until he stepped through the doors. He felt the kids eyes on him as he filled two 16 ounce cups with hot chocolate. He put lids on and belatedly realized he couldn’t carry both of them. He felt a presence next to him and the kid looked at him shyly. 

“Want me to carry the other one?”

“Uh- sure, thank you. Thank you.”

The kid just nodded and carried the hot chocolate to the counter. 

“Sorry for the, uh, water,” Eddie apologized, knowing he left a trail of wet footprints behind him. 

“‘S okay,” the kid said, handing him his change. “You get a hold of your friend?”

Eddie nodded. “He’s coming to pick me up,” he said. They fell into a silence that wasn’t entirely awkward, at least not to Eddie, as he waited at the counter. He took the remains of his glasses from the pocket of his soaked slacks and tossed them in a trashcan by the doors. Headlights shone in the street and a vehicle pulled into a parking spot just outside the doors. Bill got out and burst through the doors.

“Eddie?” Bill asked.

“Hi, Big Bill.”

“Christ, Eddie,” Bill said as he looked at him. He was absolutely soaked to the bone, the fabric around both knees of his slacks and his elbow were torn, and the skin behind them was raw and bloodied. 

“I got you a hot chocolate,” Eddie said and pointed at the two cups on the counter. 

Bill’s worried expression softened and he nodded. 

“Let’s go, buddy.”

Eddie handed him one of the hot chocolates, took the other, and let Bill guide him to the car. He opened the door for him and Eddie climbed in wordlessly. It was weird, being on the receiving end of opening and closing doors, and being a passenger. He realized with sudden shame that he was soaking wet and probably ruining the seats. Bill got into the driver’s side, shut the door, and turned the heater on full blast. 

Eddie started to apologize about the water, but Bill pointed at the seat before reaching behind him. Eddie looked down and saw he was sitting on a towel. 

“That was meant for you to dry off with, here’s another,” Bill said and handed him another one. 

“Thanks.”

Eddie wrapped it around himself, and almost immediately soaked through it as well. His body shivered beneath it as Bill pulled away from the gas station. 

“So…” Bill started as they drove. “Left home, huh?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah.” The adrenaline had finally drained from his body and he felt exhausted. 

“What happened to your glasses?”

“Smashed on the pavement.”

It turned out that Bill’s house was only a few miles from Eddie’s mother’s and he commented on this in surprise. Both of them marvelled at the fact that they had houses so close to each other, but Eddie supposed neither he nor Bill was really surprised. They parked and moved quickly to the front door, taking shelter under an upper balcony as Bill got the door open. They were greeted by Audra, who had already been on her way to get the door for them. 

“Hello, Eddie- my goodness, you’re soaked! Bill, keep him comfortable while I get him some clothes.” 

She promptly went up the stairs as Bill locked the front door. When he turned to Eddie, the expression on his face filled him with a warmth more than the inside of the house could. 

“We only have one guest room, and Mike’s already sleeping in it. I hope the couch won’t be a bother,” Bill said apologetically.

“Mike’s here?”

“Yeah, he wanted out of Derry and is staying with us until he starts-”

“His road trip,” Eddie finished as he remembered. They had all put money forward so that Mike could ditch Derry without worrying about funds. Bill nodded. 

“How about you take your shoes and socks off and I’ll show you where the bathroom is.”

Eddie did just that and Bill took him to the bathroom, exchanged the wet towels for a dry one to have after a shower, and showed him where the bandages were in the cabinet above the sink. Audra gave him a spare set of Bill’s pajamas and Bill took Eddie’s wet clothes to the dryer after he showered. 

Eddie stepped into the shower and relished the warmth. He stood in it until his fingertips turned pruney, which wasn’t very long since he had already been wet, then washed his hair and scrubbed the rest of his body. It was the first shower he’d had since returning to New York. He hadn’t even been in New York for twenty-four hours. He hadn’t even been at his house two. Shit, Bill, Audra, and Mike had been in New York for even less time than he had been. It still felt like a long time since he had seen them, even though it had barely been a couple days. It was kind of weird too, without the other Losers. 

When he stepped out of the shower and dried his hair he smelled like vanilla and caramel. He liked it. It was better than the scentless soap they had at home. Bill’s pajamas were too big and hung off of him, but they were comfortable. The left sleeve hung empty from his shoulder and he remembered the pin he had used was still on his turtleneck. It felt weird when he walked out of the bathroom. 

“How are you feeling?” Audra asked him as he found his way to their kitchen where she and Bill were standing. The microwave dinged and Bill took out a reheated hot chocolate that had been transferred from the paper gas station cup to a mug. He put the second into the microwave and started it. 

“Better, a lot better. Thank you,” Eddie answered. “I’m sorry for intrud-”

“Oh shut up, Eddie,” Bill said. There was no bite in his words, just a welcoming smile.

“You are always welcome in our home,” Audra said. 

Eddie’s eyes stung and to his horror, threatened to tear up. 

“Thank you,” he said, unsticking the words from his throat and forcing them not to crack. The microwave dinged again and Bill took out the second mug.

“Of course,” said Audra. She kissed him on the cheek. “Do you need anything else?”

“Could I have a safety pin?” 

Audra opened a drawer and gave one to him.

“Thank you,” he said again.

“Of course,” Audra also said again, “If you need anything more, Bill will fetch it for you. I’ll leave you to each other now.”

“See you later, honey,” Bill said. They kissed each other and Audra bid them both goodnight. 

Bill picked up the two mugs and nodded his head to the next room. “Let’s get you set up.”

He grabbed extra pillows and blankets from a closet for Eddie to sleep with, and found Eddie a brand new toothbrush. When Bill made sure Eddie had everything he needed for the night, they sat down together on the couch with their hot chocolate.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” Bill asked.

Eddie licked his lips as he rolled up his left sleeve and clumsily pinned it. Then he stared into the mug of hot chocolate on the coffee table. He felt Bill’s gaze on him. He did want to talk about it, to tell him about it, but he didn’t know where to start. Bill, of course, didn’t push him and waited patiently. 

“She freaked out,” Eddie finally said. He nodded at his left shoulder. “She freaked out more than ever before, of course.”

“What’d you tell her?” Bill asked. 

“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”

Eddie recalled the following events, ending with his wipe out in the rain. He wiped tears away from his eyes as he finished and Bill put an arm around his shoulders to pull him close. 

“I can’t do it anymore, not after what we just survived,” Eddie said, leaning into Bill’s side. “I mean… it’s crazy. I knew- I’ve known since that summer I needed to get away from her, but it’s taken my entire life.”

“Eddie, it’s not crazy,” Bill said. He looked like he was going to say more for a minute, but then just repeated that. “It’s not crazy.”

And Eddie believed him. 

“I’m proud of you,” Bill said. He hugged Eddie, and Eddie melted into his arms.

“Thanks, Bill.”

“What do you say we get some sleep? You need it after all that.”

“Yeah, thanks again for letting me crash here.”

“Of course. Don’t worry about getting up tomorrow, we’re all planning to sleep in.”

They squeezed each other a little tighter before pulling away and sharing a smile. Bill took their empty mugs to the kitchen and turned the light off there before going upstairs. Eddie got comfortable on the couch, buried himself under the weight of the blankets, and turned off the lamp. 

Briefly he wondered what would happen tomorrow, but exhaustion settled in under the safety that filled Bill and Audra’s house and Eddie dropped into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmk what you think so far!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddie moves out.

Eddie slept so deeply that he woke feeling genuinely rested and fully recharged for the first time in a long time. He couldn’t remember the last time he woke up that way and he couldn’t be bothered to try and remember. He woke up and fell asleep again a handful of times since there was no reason to get up. He felt like a teenager again, with the morning light glowing through the curtains and cars of people on their way to work driving up and down the street, but he? He just rolled over and ignored the world for a few more winks. 

His brain turned on fully when the strong smell of bacon reached his nose and the faint sound of sizzling reached his ears. His body settled into a dull ache as he sat up to rub his eyes. It wasn’t a bad feeling for the moment, just made him feel a little more alive. He reached for his glasses on the coffee table, then remembered he’d thrown them away. He rubbed his eyes again instead and stood up. 

He wandered into the kitchen and found Audra there, making breakfast. She saw him approach out of the corner of her eye and looked up at him to smile. 

“Good morning, did you sleep well?”

“Yes, really well, actually.” He nodded and he felt his hair bounce up and down. He ran a hand through it, but did nothing to tame the severe case of bed head.

“You’re making breakfast?” 

“Yes, I want Bill and you and Mike to have a good one after everything that’s happened,” she said. 

“You were part of it,” Eddie said softly, “You don’t have to be up making breakfast for all of us.”

“Yes…” Audra said. She paused for a moment, before continuing what she was doing. “And it was certainly not pleasant.”

Eddie snorted softly. 

“But I want to make you breakfast,” she finished with a smile. 

Eddie returned it. “Can I… can I help you?” he asked.

She looked up at him and he shrugged slightly. 

“I haven’t made many breakfasts before,” he said, feeling his face burn a little. His mother always insisted she made it. “And I wanna learn how to with one hand, I guess.” 

Audra smiled at him again and handed him the spoon she was using. 

“Of course you can. You can stir this while I get the eggs started.”

It turned out that most of the pancake batter was already mostly stirred, so he poured it out into circles onto a skillet and flipped them when they were ready as Audra made scrambled eggs. He and Audra hadn’t interacted much when they were both in the hospital. For a long time neither of them had been responsive to the world outside their heads and when they had, Eddie spent two more weeks in recovery while Audra checked out of the hospital. She had visited him with Bill of course, but between the recovery and all the other Losers swamping his room they hadn’t had the chance to say much to each other. 

“I admire you and Bill,” he said and she looked over at him. “You guys have a lot of love for each other.”

At first he had been sure if Bill had maybe just married her because she looked kinda like Beverly, but he had seen their closeness even without interacting with them and knew there was a lot of love between them. Whatever had brought them all together as kids probably had a part in bringing Bill and Audra together, he couldn’t explain why he thought that, but he just knew. 

“We do,” Audra replied, as she flipped the bacon, “What about you?”

_ Richie _ . “I have all the Losers,” Eddie smiled. 

Audra smiled at him knowingly and his heart jumped for a second. She poked his side. 

“Come on, tell me, I can see there’s someone,” she said. 

“I- Well- There’s…” His heart raced, “There’s someone, but I’m not sure they feel the same.” He said ‘they’ implying that  _ (Richie) _ there wasn’t a ‘she’ which implied  _ (Richie) _ a ‘he’ and his hand began to sweat. He dropped the spatula onto the counter and fumbled to pick it up again while Audra giggled. 

“Whoever it is, they have you all shook up,” she said, “But I won’t force you to tell.” 

She fixed him with that knowing look again and his heart raced, but there was no malice in her eyes and Eddie almost told her. Audra pointed to the skillet. 

“Look! You made little baby pancakes,” she said. 

Eddie looked down and where the dropped spatula had flung batter over the skillet and indeed made baby pancakes. He could hear Richie commenting on them in the voice of an Italian chef, and Eddie found himself speaking that way as he flipped them. Except it sounded more like a French accent and he and Audra both delved into giggles. 

“What’s so funny?” Bill asked. 

“It smells good down here,” Mike said, close behind him. He stopped in surprise when he saw Eddie. “Eddie?”

“Hey Mike, Bill said you guys were having a sleepover and I didn’t want to be left out,” Eddie said. 

They both laughed as they shared a hug before getting breakfast. They left everything set up in the kitchen and took turns taking what they wanted for their plates before returning to the living room to eat. Bill and Eddie sat where they had last night, but on the floor. Audra lounged on the couch behind Bill and Mike sat in the recliner, one leg over the arm as he ate. They were all still in their pajamas and it all felt very childish in a way that Eddie relished. 

“So where are you going first on your grand adventure?” Eddie asked Mike. 

“I’m going to work my way down to Atlanta and visit Stan. I think I’ll just stop as I go, wherever sounds interesting. After visiting him and Patty, I’ll make my way to the West Coast. I think I’ll figure out the route as I go too, I don’t want any solid plans or feel like I have to follow something.”

“That sounds like fun, Mike,” Bill said and Eddie agreed. 

The feeling of freedom, no rules to follow, no tasks to fulfill, no one place to conform to. It was the opposite of what Derry had been for all of them, but for Mike especially. Talk of Mike’s travels continued and loose suggestions of places to go were thrown around with laughter sprinkled throughout. 

“You should visit us in England in the future,” Audra said and Mike readily agreed. 

Eddie smiled as he watched Mike’s face light up at all the prospects of his future of travel. It was so different from the calm but weary Mike he had seen in Derry. He didn’t look so tired now and Eddie’s heart swelled for him. 

When they finished breakfast, they all pitched in to clean up, and ended up with a clean sort of mess with dishwater bubbles everywhere. Their laughter crowded the kitchen and seeped into every room of the house, filling it with joy. When they finally finished, it was already going on 12:30 in the afternoon. They had eaten more of a lunch than a breakfast. 

A pit settled in Eddie’s stomach as Bill fetched his clothes from the dryer while Mike and Audra went upstairs to get dressed. He suspected that Mike knew something was up and when he came down again and saw Eddie in his fresh, but torn clothing, he finally asked. 

“What happened?”

“I left my mom.”

“And ate shit in front of the 7/11,” Bill added from the kitchen. 

Eddie breathed a laugh as he brought them coffee. 

“Good for you, Eddie,” Mike said, clapping him on the back. “Do you know what you’re going to do next?” 

“I don’t. I haven’t thought about it,” Eddie said. For a moment, panic threatened to overtake him, but Mike’s hand on his shoulder and Bill’s presence on his other side grounded him. 

“You can stay with Audra and I while we sort out everything to do with the movie,” Bill said. “I want to do that from a distance I think, better to hear the shouting through the phone than in person. The one guy spits everywhere when he shouts.”

Eddie and Mike both laughed a little. 

“Thanks, Bill,” Eddie said. He knew what he wanted to do, and what he probably would, but he wanted to actually think about it first. 

“You don’t have to decide right away.”

“I should get some of my stuff from the house,” Eddie said. He paused, then continued, “I don’t really need- or want- anything. Just some clothes and shoes and little essentials.” 

* * *

A little later, all four of them piled into Bill and Audra’s car and were on their way to Eddie’s.  _ Eddie’s mother’s _ . 

“Do you want us to come in with you?” Bill asked as he pulled into the driveway.

Eddie hesitated before shaking his head no. It’d cause more trouble than was necessary. 

“Just keep the car running,” he said and stepped out. He paused again before he shut the door, as a string of words went through his head.  _ My son doesn’t climb trees! _ He ducked down to look at Bill. 

“Actually, can you guys help me climb a tree?”

“What?”

“Climb a tree. I’ve never done it before and I only have one arm and I can’t see, will you help me?”

Bill and Mike looked at each other for a second, then back to Eddie, grins spreading on their faces. 

“I’ll keep the car ready,” Audra said. 

There was a tree with plenty of branches next to the end of the driveway, where they could climb onto the overhang and get to Eddie’s window. Eddie’s heart raced as they made a slow climb up the tree. 

“Eddie?” came his mother’s voice. 

The trio all turned their heads as his mother started across the lawn from the front door. 

“Hey, Mrs. K!” shouted Bill cheerfully. 

“What are you doing to my Eddie?!” she shouted. 

“ _ Shit _ ,” said Eddie, through his laughter.

“Get down from there!”

“Go, go, go!” urged Mike.

He and Bill shoved Eddie onto the extended overhang of the garage and they all tumbled onto it, laughing. Eddie’s mother shouted up at them. 

“Hurry up!” laughed Bill as they scrambled to get up. 

He and Mike followed Eddie to the bedroom window. 

“Oh no,” said Eddie.

“What? What’s wrong?” asked Bill.

“Eeeeddie!” shouted his mother.

“The window’s locked.”

“Seriously? Oh my god,” Bill said. Mike burst into laughter next to him and soon they all were again.

“What are we gonna do?” Bill asked through his laughter. 

“Let’s try my mother’s window?”

They moved across the small overhand to Eddie’s mother’s window and thankfully it was open. They climbed through it, Eddie’s mother shouting at them from below, and they all fell into a laughing pile on the floor.

“She’s gonna be here soon,” Eddie said, pushing himself to his feet.

They got out of his mother’s room in time to hear the front door downstairs burst open. They made a mad dash down the hall for Eddie’s room and their feet thundered on the floor in their scramble. Eddie shut the door and locked it, but he knew it wouldn’t be long before his mother got in anyway. She had keys to all the doors.

“What do you want us to grab?” Mike asked as Eddie grabbed a pair of glasses from his nightstand. 

“The whole  _ fucking  _ medicine cabinet,” Eddie said. He held a straight face only for a second before laughing again, joined by the others. The doorknob rattled, and his mother’s voice pierced through the wood again.

“Eddie! What are you doing in there, Eddie? Who are those men?”

“My friends, Ma!” Eddie shouted back as he dumped the contents of the bag he had left the other night onto the floor. “Just grab whatever clothes from the closet.”

“Eddie, open this door!”

“I think you should take this,” Bill said. Eddie looked at the book he was holding and laughed. 

“I know the author, I think I can get another copy.”

Bill grinned and tossed it back onto Eddie’s bed. 

Like Eddie had said, there wasn’t much he needed or wanted to take with him. They shoved most of his clothes into the bag and he debated taking some things for the business, so that he could run it from wherever he ended up but then the bedroom door swung open. They all froze as Sonya Kaspbrak stared at them from the doorway. 

“HIGH HO, SILVER, AWAY!” Bill shouted and threw the bag out Eddie’s window. 

Recognition flashed in her eyes then, and she fixed Bill with a burning glare. “Bill Denbrough! And Mike Hanlon!”

“Hey, Mrs. K,” the two men said with matching grins.

“What are you doing here? What is going on?”

“They’re helping me move out, Ma,” Eddie said.

“Move out?”

“Yes. I’m moving out.”

“Where? Eddie, you can’t go! You’re so much safer here, don’t you see it’s happening again? They’re changing you, they’re putting you in danger! I won’t allow you to go!”

“It’s not up to you, Ma,” Eddie said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tag urself im eddie overthinking the implication of being gay ✌️


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A proposal

The gentle sincerity in Eddie’s voice took her off guard. He really meant it. Her eyes began to tear up in response. 

“Ma, don’t.”

“Eddie…”

“I have to go. I love you, Ma.” And he spoke the truth, but when he looked to the door behind her, she saw her old tricks weren’t going to work on him.

“You can’t leave, Eddie!”

He backed up towards the window. Mike and Bill started to climb out. “You can get rid of anything I’m not taking, I don’t want it.”

“Eddie!”

“Goodbye, Ma!” He waved and ducked out the window with the others. 

“ _Eddie_!”

They heard her leave the room and they tore across the roof to the tree again. Bill grabbed Eddie’s bag and threw it over his shoulder. Mike started to help Eddie down the tree. 

The front door of the house flew open again and Eddie’s mother ran out.

“Shit!” the three of them said in unison. They were hardly halfway down the tree and Eddie looked down. It wasn’t that far of a drop, nothing remotely fatal, nothing compared to how high IT had swung him around. Without thinking further, he pulled free of Mike and jumped from the tree. 

Mike shouted in surprise, but realized it was deliberate and jumped down after him, followed by Bill. They all landed in the wet grass, and Eddie felt mud soak through his clothes where he landed. 

He was fine but he heard his mother shriek in horror and Bill yanked him up, stumbling to his feet and the three of them took off to the car. Audra revved the engine and they threw themselves into the back seat. Tires squealing, Audra punched the gas and they were moving before the door was shut. Out of breath, adrenaline pumping through their veins, and all squashed together, they fell into laughter again. They laughed all the way back to Bill and Audra’s house. 

* * *

Later that afternoon after the laughter subsided and the others had gone into the backyard, Eddie stood in front of the telephone. It hung there from its place on the wall, a light gray color that matched the trim of the kitchen’s blue wall. He stared at it and he was sure it might as well be mocking him. _You won’t pick me up. You won’t call and ask if the offer is still out there. Any second now you’re going to walk back outside and-_

“Are you calling someone telepathically?” Mike asked.

Eddie jumped and turned to face him. “I didn’t realize you’d come in.”

“Sorry.”

“That’s okay, I was just… thinking.”

Mike leaned on the counter and folded his arms. “About what?”

“Richie asked if I had wanted to go with him to California when he left, but I said I couldn’t. I _thought_ I couldn’t, but now I want to be anywhere but here- New York, anyway.”

“So call him and tell him you’re coming.”

“He could be busy or-”

“Eddie,” Mike said. Eddie looked at him and he shared the same look behind his eyes that Audra had this morning. 

“What?” Eddie asked after a beat.

Mike rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You know any of us would clear our schedule for each other.”

“Well yeah, but he mentioned trouble with his agent and at work for taking off when he did. I don’t wanna drop in on him suddenly and be something extra for him to think about,” Eddie said. For just a second, he saw something he couldn’t place crossover Mike’s face before the other man reached for Eddie’s shoulder. 

“How about this then? You call Richie and tell him you’ll be visiting in a couple months because you’re coming with me on my road trip,” Mike said.

Eddie’s eyebrows rose. “What?”

“How about it, Eddie? You want to come with me? Be my navigator like you used to be for all of us?”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Yes! I think it’d be fun. We caught up as much as we could in Derry, but I wouldn’t mind a few more weeks with you, no monsters to fight and the open road ahead of us. If you want to, of course.”

“Gee, Mike, I’d love to go with you,” Eddie said with a grin. 

They hatched a light plan to leave in two days' time, and figured the time windows they’d reach Stan in Atlanta and Richie on the West Coast. Mike’s aura of excitement bled into Eddie, who’d spent his whole life in Derry and New York, and the aspect of going anywhere and everywhere else made his stomach churn with delighted anticipation. They were going to see Stan too, Stan who spent the days they fought IT in the hospital. He had woken from his suicide attempt around the time they killed IT. They’d shared phone calls with him, but hadn’t seen him. Eddie wondered what he was like as a grown up and was excited to find out, as was Mike. They were both excited to see Richie again too, and Eddie’s stomach felt like it churned in two different ways. 

“Stan’s already expecting us, I’ll call him and tell him the week we should be around before we leave and you can call Richie,” Mike said, getting up from the dining room table. 

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

Two days later, Eddie called Richie. He planned to call him the day of his and Mike’s departure, but suddenly he just couldn’t wait. He wanted to hear Richie’s voice again. His stomach flipped and turned into butterflies as he dialed and listened to the phone ring. He looked at his watch. It was just after 3PM here in New York, so it’d be around Noon out there. 

“Hello?” came Richie’s voice. It lacked his usual vigor and Eddie worried. 

“Richie?”

“Yeah, who’s this?”

“It’s Eddie, are you okay?”

“Hey, Spaghetti Man! Yeah, I’m alright, I just walked through the door. Are you okay?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie said. It came out soft and lacked any bite. “Long day?”

“Yeah, traffic from the airport was hell.”

“Airport? What was it so bad it took you multiple days to get home?”

“Ha! Eddie Kaspbrak gets off a good one!” Richie crowed and Eddie snorted. “Nah, I changed my ticket and spent a couple days in Georgia to see Stan.”

“Oh good, how was he?”

“He’s… he’s good now. A little off about the whole thing, but he’s good. He’s got the same mustache as me, but I gave him so much hell about it he might shave it off.”

Eddie chuckled. “I can’t wait to see him.”

“You planning on going down there?”

“Yeah, actually, I was calling you to see if I-we,” Eddie cleared his throat and started over. “Mike invited me on his road trip and we’re leaving tomorrow to drive down to see Stan and then head out to see you, if that’s alright.”

“Of course it’s alright! When will you be out here?” 

“In a couple months, late October or early November.”

“ _What?_ That long? You’re such a tease, Eds.” 

Eddie’s laugh came out weaker than he meant it to and they drifted into a momentary silence. 

“Did you wrap everything up with your business, already?” Richie asked.

“Um. No.”

“Oh.”

“I…,” Eddie paused, then continued, “Well, it’s under control, I called the person I left in charge today and he ran everything smoothly while I was gone. There’s not much to wrap up really, thankfully.”

“Well _that’s_ good-”

“I left my mom,” Eddie blurted. 

“You what?”

“I ran out on her and I’ve been staying with Bill and Audra.”

“Edward Kaspbrak, did you run away from home?” 

Eddie laughed. “You bet your fur.”

Rich let out triumphant whoops on the other end of the line and Eddie moved the phone from his ear until they quieted.

“Good for you, Eddie my love!”

Eddie’s stomach somersaulted. 

“Thanks, Rich.” He proceeded to tell the story of how he, Mike, Bill, and Audra had gone back to get his clothes, a story that made them both laugh until their sides ached. They talked longer, about nothing in particular, but Eddie liked hearing him talk. He wasn’t sure when he ended up sitting on the floor with his back against the wall.

“How are things with your agent?” he asked. 

“Ohh, I don’t know yet. Probably hell. I was gone for a month instead of a week, like I said.”

“I hope it’s not too horrible,” Eddie said. He wound the phone cord around his finger. 

“Ah, nothing I can’t handle. I’m glad you’re coming out, Eds.”

Oh how Eddie wished he could. “Me too, Richie. I can’t wait to see you.”

“Already? I thought you’d be sick of me by now.” He could hear the grin on Richie’s face.

“Don’t push it.”

“Alright, Spaghetti Man.”

“That’s it, I’m telling Mike I changed my mind.”

Richie exclaimed in mock hurt and Eddie laughed. 

“I’ll call you again,” Eddie said.

“I look forward to it. See you in a couple months, Eddie my Love.”

“See you Richie.”

He sat there with the phone to his ear. After about twenty seconds, Richie spoke again.

“You hang up first.”

“No, you!” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is the tree they're climbing a pine? Bc.. pining.. aha, get it? pine-


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i didn't edit this chapter, please forgive any clunkiness. do i have an excuse? no <3

At 9:00 AM the crisp coolness of the morning air was turning into a warm September day. Bill and Audra were waving goodbye and wishing luck to Mike and Eddie as they drove away and down the road. They waved out the window back at them and Eddie watched as they got smaller and smaller until Mike turned the car down another street toward the freeway.

The car was a ‘76 station wagon, painted blue and had wooden runner boards on the outside. Eddie bought it from a junkyard a few years prior and in the weeks following, took a few precious hours to himself to fix it up. It was the perfect size for him and Mike and what they brought with them.

Mike and Eddie's first stop was a pizza place just before the border of New York and Pennsylvania. Mike had never had New York pizza before and Eddie only had it once in a blue moon. They arrived just barely after it opened at 10 and ordered a large pizza to go.

"I've always wanted to have pizza for breakfast," said Eddie. They both leaned against the hood of the car with the pizza box open between them."Or brunch I guess."

"Second breakfast," chimed Mike, "And you've never had pizza for breakfast before?"

"Are you kidding? I've barely ever had pizza, let alone for breakfast."

"You are missing out, man. Although pizza for breakfast is best served cold, straight out of the fridge, while rushing because you're late for work."

The mental image of Mike with a slice of pizza hanging from his mouth while running out of his house for the library made Eddie giggle. "I can't imagine you being late for work," he said. "It seemed like you practically lived there at the library."

"Yeah, so I'd stop being late," Mike said as they both laughed around mouthfuls of pizza.

When they finished they tossed the box in a trashcan before getting back on the road. They rode in silence for a while before Mike asked a question in the same area Eddie's thoughts were. The question came tentatively, like he was nervous to ask, but it couldn't be avoided for forever.

"Have you driven yet?"

Eddie shook his head. "No. I was just thinking when we got to a quieter highway of asking you if I could try."

"Alright," Mike said.

"It shouldn't be too hard," Eddie said, reassuring himself, though his mind claimed it was for Mike. "I've got my dominant hand, and it's not exactly like I've never driven one handed before."

"Even with the stick in the middle, not by the wheel?"

Eddie nodded and a sly smile crossed Mike's lips.

"Eddie Kaspbrak, owning his own limousine company and driving like a daredevil? I hardly believe it."

"Okay, pizza man," Eddie shot back and they both laughed again.

"Geez, Mike," Eddie said, "It feels good to laugh like this. I mean, we laughed a lot when we were together before- things were funny sometimes, or at least they seemed that way, but this... This is different. I don't know, maybe I'm just... imagining it or something."

"No, no, I get what you mean. It's hard to really put it into words, because the laughter was always genuine but this  _ is  _ different. A good different."

"Like we don't have to laugh to stay alive. We’re not on the verge of hysteria 24/7."

"Yeah," Mike said and nodded.

Eddie looked at Mike's profile as the other man watched the road and changed lanes. He took in his face again, like he had with all the Losers before. Mike's face was more relaxed now than it had been in Derry, for obvious reasons, and Eddie was glad. He felt a pang of guilt as he thought about Mike being there for so long, all by himself. IT hadn't been in Mike like it had been in the rest of Derry's citizens. Mike had truly been alone. Eddie shuddered at the thought and without thinking an apology fell from his lips.

Mike glanced at him for a second, eyebrows raised in confusion. "Sorry for what?"

"That you had to be in Derry by yourself," Eddie said.

"Eddie, we've been over this, I, like you said, had to be there. And I don't hold anything against you or the others about it."

"I know Mike, but I'm still sorry. Just because the universe makes you do something doesn't mean it's not awful and shouldn't have had to happen. It was still wrong for you to be there by yourself, even if we had all forgotten everything."

Eddie reached out for Mike's hand where it rested loosely on the stick and squeezed it. Mike glanced at him again and when he smiled his eyes were soft.

"Thanks, Eddie." He took Eddie's hand and squeezed it back. "I'm glad you came with me."

"Me too." Eddie smiled.

* * *

That afternoon they stopped at the Smithsonian and toured and explored the museums until they began to close. Before they left, Mike bought half a dozen postcards for a collection he wanted to start and Eddie found a pullover hoodie with a train on the front. It was the last one, two or three sizes too big, and like everything else in the gift shops, ridiculously expensive, but he bought it anyway. 

He put it on as they walked back to the car and it engulfed him. 

“Hello? Hello? Is Eddie Kaspbrak in there?” Mike asked before Eddie yanked the hood down to grin at him. 

“Yes, but I think I lost my other arm in here.”

Their laughter echoed up from the emptying parking lot and into the twilight sky. 

“What should we do for dinner?” Mike asked. 

“Fast food, something disgusting.”

“What would your mother say?” Mike said in a scandalized tone.

“More like what  _ wouldn’t  _ she say,” Eddie laughed as they got into the car. “Do we have any idea where we’re sleeping tonight?”

As it turned out, they found a motel across the street from a Taco Bell. They got a room with two beds on the first floor and parked the car in front of it before they walked across the street to get their dinner. When they walked back, they spread it out on the hood of the car to eat, like they had with their pizza earlier. The night air was cool and stars twinkled faintly above them as they leaned side by side against the car. 

On the other side of the complex, brief shouts came from one room before a person stormed out. Their partner shouted after them as they got into the car and sped away before slamming the door shut. A dog barked in the distance and a person came out from a room on the second floor to smoke a cigarette. 

The smell hit Eddie and he was struck with a memory. The parking lot and motel turned into the Barrens, his over-sized sweatshirt turned into a too big flannel that Richie let him borrow after they splashed around in the water, Mike was still by his side and Ben was on his left. Beverly and Richie sat on a felled tree, smoking cigarettes together. Eddie looked up at them and watched. There were so many things wrong with smoking, so many bad things came of it, and he had told them both off multiple times. But this time he didn’t, because there was something beautiful about watching Richie smoke. The way his lips moved around the cigarette and how he held it between his teeth…

“You alright, Eddie?” Mike asked. 

Eddie blinked and sucked in a breath as his mind crashed back into the present. 

“Huh- what?”

“I asked if you were alright.”

“Oh- yes. I’m alright. I was thinking about one of the days we spent in the Barrens,” Eddie said. 

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Nothing extraordinary,” Eddie said- but oh it was so, so extraordinary, “We were just… hanging out.”

Mike smiled at him and nodded. The same way he had when he and Eddie talked about the history of the railroad in Derry. Eddie smiled back at him, feeling the same warmth he had then, but also a small sliver of fear for what if they were to forget again? He didn’t want to lose that feeling or those memories again.

“Hey, Mike?”

“Yeah?”

“Love you.”

“Love you too, Eddie.”


	6. Chapter 6

"E-Eddie," a voice whispered. Someone touched his shoulder and Eddie hummed sleepily in response. There was a beat of silence and Eddie had just barely slipped back to sleep when his shoulder was shaken a little rougher this time and the voice broke.

"Eddie,  _ please _ ."

Eddie's eyes snapped open. "Mike?" The name slurred on his sleepy tongue and he squinted into the darkness. The vague, blurry shape of Mike was bent over him. His shoulders were shaking.

“What’s wrong?” Eddie asked, sitting up so quickly and blindly that they bumped heads.

"Do you know who I am?" Mike's voice cracked again.

"What? Y-Yes.” Realization suddenly hit Eddie. “Yes, Mike. You’re Michael Hanlon, member of the Losers’ Club, my friend-”

Mike let out a cry and threw his arms around Eddie's neck before he could continue and they nearly toppled over. Eddie returned the embrace and pulled Mike down so that they were sitting next to each other.

"I remember, Mike," Eddie said, "It's gonna be okay this time."

Mike tried to respond but the only thing that came from his mouth was another sob, muffled against Eddie's shoulder.

"It's okay," Eddie said softly and he rubbed gentle circles around Mike's back.

When Mike's sobs dwindled out and he pulled away, he apologized. Eddie just pulled him right back into his arms.

"God, Mike, you don't need to apologize."

Mike sniffled. "Thanks, Eddie."

Eddie just held him a little tighter. They sat there quietly like that, holding each other and listening to the clock tick away the seconds. Eddie wasn't sure what to say or do next really, he hadn't seen Mike so worked up before- at least not in about 30 years. Ever since they all reunited for the first time, Mike had the most level head and an unshakeable calm about him. It was strange to see him so fragile now, but it made sense.

"Was it a nightmare?" Eddie asked, breaking the silence and interrupting the clock, though it paid him no mind.

"Yeah," Mike sighed after a second.

Eddie nodded. There was no more to be said. IT may be gone now, but it would forever be burned in the back of their minds. Even when they couldn't remember, Eddie still had nightmares. They always slipped away as he passed from that place between sleep and awake and he never knew why his eyes would snap open with a cold sweat or why he would lurch upright with a scream dying on his lips. He wondered if he had more if he would remember them now. If Mike would tomorrow.

He didn't voice any of this however and instead pulled Mike further onto the bed. Mike let himself be brought down and he settled next to Eddie. His eyes were still wet as they laid on their sides and looked at each other. Eddie smiled at him sadly and found his hand. He squeezed it and held onto it. 

“I’m not going anywhere, Mike. And I think… I think even if I forget, I still won’t.” Eddie frowned as he spoke, figuring nothing he just said made any sense. “I think I’ll still know you, even if we forget. We’ll still be friends. Do you know what I mean?” 

Eddie looked him in the eyes again and Mike nodded.

“Yeah, I think I do.”

“We have all the Losers’ names and phone numbers in the car.”

Mike nodded again. 

“We’re all going to be okay, and we’ll all know you,” Eddie said. He said it firmly, as a promise and as a fact. He wouldn’t let himself forget again. 

Mike smiled at him and squeezed his hand back.

“Thanks, Eddie.”

* * *

The next morning it turned out that neither of them had forgotten anything, and when Eddie woke up, he only remembered more. Mike was still asleep as the sun glowed behind the motel room’s vomit green curtains. Eddie smiled as he stared at Mike. They had been like this together once before. Mike had come to visit Eddie when he really had been ‘sick’ and his mother insisted he stay inside. Mike climbed through his window with a bundle of comics and a couple of history books after dinner one night. Eddie was terrified of what would happen if his mother came in, but every time she came to check on him they heard her coming well before she reached his room and Mike had time to duck under a fort of blankets. 

Then Mike stayed the whole night. They curled up in the fort together and Mike read to him from one of the books until Eddie, despite his constant fear of his mother coming in, fell asleep. Eddie woke up in the morning to his mother’s footsteps outside the door and had just enough time to dive back into bed and pretend to be asleep when she came in. She ‘woke’ him to tell him it was almost time to get ready for his doctor’s appointment. When she left, Eddie shook Mike awake so he could leave before his mother came back. 

This time, Eddie thought with a warm relief, he didn’t have to wake Mike. He slid out of the bed and went to the bathroom before he tried to figure out the coffee machine. He’d never really used one before, his mother always warned him against caffeine and coffee was always too bitter for him anyway. But he knew Mike drank it, so Eddie figured it out. 

It went fairly smooth and Eddie’s first real dilemma was getting the coffee cup out of its plastic wrapping. He stared at it in his right hand for a minute, some part of his brain willing his no longer existent left to grab the plastic and pull it apart with both hands. He heard Mike groan and roll over behind him and his heart jumped. 

“I didn’t know you drank coffee,” Mike said from the bed. His voice was rough with sleep.

“It’s for you,” Eddie said.  _ His  _ voice was oddly emotionless and he hoped Mike didn’t notice. This was just like the damned hot chocolate for Bill. He realized he could use his teeth to rip the plastic but that would defeat the purpose of the plastic. All the germs that’d collected there and protected the cup would get in his mouth and- Suddenly tears stung behind his eyes. Why did it have to be so hard to do simple things for his friends? Why did it have to be so hard to do simple things for himself? Hadn’t he had enough trouble with that, without a missing arm to contribute?

He jumped when Mike’s hand fell on his shoulder. He looked up at him and Mike smiled softly. 

“Thanks, Eddie,” Mike said. For a moment he was silent, as if mulling over what to say next. “...But motel coffee is the worst.”

“Oh.”

“How about we find a place on our way out of DC?” Mike asked. 

“Yeah, okay,” Eddie conceded. Then he stopped and looked at the plastic wrapped cup in his hand. He turned and drop kicked it across the room. Mike looked at him with raised eyebrows and Eddie shrugged. 

“Can’t quite get you coffee, but I can be your right hand man,” he said flatly. 

Mike stared at him for a second then laughed. “My memory must be failing me, you sound more like Richie Tozier than Eddie Kaspbrak with all these jokes I’ve heard this weekend.”

Eddie snorted and they got their stuff to brush their teeth before setting off for the day.

* * *

It turned out that not all kinds of coffee was bitter, and it was indeed quite dangerous, if only for tasting so good. He’d forgotten the ice cream frappes he, Bev, and Ben got together one time and Mike ordered him something similar. At least, Eddie thought he did, there were a lot of terms and he was too lost in thought to keep track of all of them. He remembered exchanging hushed whispers with Ben over an ice cream frappe on a different day, where they exchanged secrets of crushes and first loves by the bushes that grew on the side of the library. 

The frappe that Mike handed him had no ice cream, but it was still cold and had a familiar taste as it spread over his taste buds. It was  _ good _ . A fact that he stated several times as they got back into the car and made Mike laugh. 

“So, do we want to make another stop, or should we shoot straight for Stan’s?” Mike asked as Eddie pulled out the map.

“It’s about a ten hour drive so we’d get to Stan’s around… 7:30ish,” Eddie said. 

“That’s a decent time, I say we do it.”

They stopped and Mike called Stan to tell him their plan, then they were on their way. Eddie’s insides churned and his heart leapt every time he thought about seeing Stan again. He was so excited and nervous that it was hard to sit still in his seat. Richie crossed his mind again, the memory of him never being able to sit still as a child, made him smile before Eddie realized what was happening. Did  _ everything  _ have to remind him of Richie? This was ridiculous.

But… that didn’t mean it was bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me, trying to write the other side of this fic about Richie as I post the chapters for this one: :|  
> Me, watching every other thing Dennis Christopher and Harry Anderson have been instead: :)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for suicide mention & internalized homophobia  
> this chapter was going to, like, be deeper, but then i decided not to for my own recovering mental health lmao.

Except for Stan’s mustache. It was almost identical to Richie’s, but, if Eddie was honest, it suited Stan more.

Stan threw the door open and jumped down the steps of his front porch to meet them on the street. In Eddie’s rush to get out, he practically fell into Stan on the sidewalk, but Stan hauled him into a hug, joyfully shouting his name. Eddie laughed hard as he wrapped his arm around Stan and soon Mike joined the hugs too.

“I’m so happy to see you guys!” Stan said. 

“Me too!” Mike and Eddie said together. 

The three of them were all smiles and unsaid words, and while there were dozens of things they wanted to say, there was no need for words in that moment. They just looked at each other, taking in the other’s faces, and laughing and hugging. A few evening walkers gave them odd looks, but even to strangers, the joy there was evident, and odd looks turned into smiles at the sight. It’s a beautiful thing to experience such love, even when radiating from people you don’t know. 

The trio didn’t notice the passersby, but eventually Stan did officially invite them in and tugged them towards the house. 

“I hope you guys are hungry,” he said, “Patty and I made dinner.”

“Depends,” Mike said as Stan opened the door for them, eyeing him with playful suspicion. 

Stan was affronted and scoffed. “It’s no peanut butter and onion, Mikey.”

Mike laughed as he went inside and Eddie shook his head as he followed. Stan grinned at him as he passed, but then it dropped and, startled, Eddie paused in the doorway. 

“It’s spaghetti,” Stan deadpanned. 

“O-oh?” 

Stan and Eddie stared at each other for what felt like an eternity. Stan’s face was unreadable and Eddie’s hand started to sweat. The fact that Richie had visited Stan after leaving Derry crossed Eddie’s mind. So? Why was that important? It’s not like they would have talked about him. Had Richie mentioned him? What would Richie have said?

“You’re not allergic to garlic are you, Eddie?” 

“What?” Eddie almost jumped. “Uh- no. No.”

Stan nodded. “Thought I’d double check. Just the regular bad breath, hey? Patty never kisses me until I’ve brushed my teeth after having garlic.” He clapped Eddie on the shoulder before passing him and going inside to shout for Patty. 

Eddie blinked rapidly, shoved the thought that he’d make Richie do the same honestly, garlic breath was terrible, and stared after Stan in confusion. Wait had he just been thinking about kissing Richie in the context of having a domestic dinner? 

“You okay, Eddie?” asked Mike.

“Yes!” Eddie said a little too quickly.

Mike smiled at him in a way Eddie didn’t like and he frowned back. Luckily, he was saved from the moment by Stan returning to introduce his wife, Patty. Eddie immediately liked her. She brought out the best in Stan and although he didn’t know her yet, Eddie had a feeling that he brought the best out in her too. They were perfect for each other. He was startled by a spark of jealousy in the middle of dinner as he watched them interact with each other. Eddie’s heart  _ ached  _ for the same, and he knew who he wanted to share it with. Someone he already did, really. If only he could share quick kisses on the lips like Stan did with Patty. 

Eddie took a mouthful of food as he and the others listened to Mike tell a story. He stared at the plate of spaghetti and practically heard Richie talking instead of Mike. He raised his eyes and shot a glance at Stan, who met his eyes and winked. Eddie choked. 

“You okay?” Mike asked as he took a drink.

“Fine, sorry. Wrong pipe,” Eddie said. He looked again at Stan who didn’t look at him, but whose face was smug.

“Okay...,” said Mike, before continuing his story.

* * *

They all helped to clean up dinner like they had at Bill and Audra’s and though it should have taken less time with more people, it took longer because they insisted on having fun. There were enough dish bubbles around the whole kitchen that Stan would be satisfied with its cleanliness for a week. 

Afterwards, Patty excused herself to let the three catch up and said she’d be upstairs if they needed anything. Her and Stan’s kiss goodbye and touch lingered for a moment and when she exited the room, Eddie was left the feeling that they still hadn’t really parted at all. The three friends settled into Uris’s living room and a weight settled over them. They all wanted to speak about everything that had happened over the summer, but they also so desperately didn’t.

“So…” started Mike, breaking the silence. “IT’s dead.”

“Guys I’m sorry-” Stan started, but he stopped as Eddie stood up. Without thinking, he moved from the armchair to the space next to Stan on the couch and wrapped his arm around him. Mike moved closer to Stan’s other side and gripped his hand. 

“It’s not your fault,” Eddie said. 

“No, Eddie. Mike. I’m sorry. I just- I couldn’t go with you. I would have gotten us all killed,” Stan said, the last word coming in a whisper. “I took myself off the board, so you couldn’t lose the game.” 

Eddie bit his lip as he tried to think of a response, but he couldn’t. Neither could Mike, and they drifted into silence. Quiet tears were shed between all of them.

“Fuck that clown,” Eddie said after a few minutes. 

Stan breathed a laugh and looked at him. They shared a smile.

“You’re brave, Stan,” Eddie said. He still wasn’t sure what to say, or how to say it- wording things was Bill’s area, and Ben’s too, really- but the words stumbled out of his mouth anyway. “I think I understand your thinking, and I think I understand why you did what you did. I don’t… I don’t know what would have happened if things had gone differently, but what really matters is that you’re here right now. We’re all here. There’s so many ways everything could have turned out, we all made choices, and this is where we are now. I’m glad you’re here and fuck that clown for making us have to face the choices we did.”

Eddie wasn’t sure any of that made sense and instinctively he looked at Mike.

Mike nodded. “Yeah. Fuck that clown and we love you, Stan.”

“Thanks, guys,” Stan said with a weak smile. 

After a few moments, he looked sideways at Eddie, then at Mike. “So… has either of them admitted anything yet?” 

Eddie lifted his head off Stan’s shoulder to look at them both as Mike answered.

“No, I think there’s a possibility that it could take another 27 years,” Mike said mournfully.

“What are you talking about?” Eddie asked.

Stan turned his head to look at him, deadpan. “You and Richie.”

“ _ What _ ?” Eddie squeaked and Stan grinned. 

“Oh my god, no wonder he calls you ‘Eddie Spaghetti’ your face is as red as the sauce.”

“It is  _ not-  _ why would-  _ shut up _ .”

“Please tell me you’re going to kiss already when you get to Richie’s, it’s been 27 fucking years, Eddie,” Stan said.

“Stan!” Eddie shouted while Mike laughed. Eddie spluttered out some incomprehensible protests, feeling his face burning before he just scowled in resignation at the pair of them. “I didn’t realize you two… knew.” 

“Eddie, I think we’ve always known,” Mike said. 

“Really? Because I just figured it out a few months ago,” Eddie bristled. Mike and Stan acknowledged his tone and sobered. Eddie regretted the change of atmosphere and instantly felt bad for ruining it, but he just couldn’t help it. “I didn’t- I’m sorry. It’s not just, Richie- I mean it  _ is _ , but I’m…” He ran his tongue over his teeth and bit his lip. His heart and his head were playing a game of tug-o-war over what he wanted to say. He didn’t meet his friends’ eyes and opted to look down at a nice piece of Stan’s carpet as his heart won. “It’s taken me 40 years to realize- or come to terms with-  _ acknowledge _ , anyway that I’m…” he swallowed, “I’m gay.” 

He bit his lip again, peeling away a dry piece of skin with his teeth and tasting the little bit of blood as he turned his head away from them. It felt like he had just ripped off dressings of a much bigger wound and left it exposed. It felt both good and bad, but the main word he could think of was ‘gross.’ If his mother found out she’d pluck him straight up out of here and send him to one of those conversion camps to make him better. 

_ Because he was sick.  _

Out of the corner of his eye he saw a hand and then he felt it close around his shoulder. Stan pulled him close again and rubbed his arm. Eddie finally looked at them again and the acceptance in their eyes and the love that radiated from them hit him so hard that his eyes welled with tears.

Stan smiled at him and drew him into a tighter embrace. “We love you, Eddie.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alright kids, i'm updating extra this week because i want chapter 11 to be posted on halloween :)

While nightmares were not uncommon, it had been years since Eddie had had one that scared him down to the bone. He had night terrors well into his teen years, more memories of something that he was certain had happened but could never remember. It always slipped away like the nightmares and any other dream. The nightmares came less and less until they stopped altogether.

Until tonight. 

Stan and Mike’s names ripped from Eddie's closing throat as a scream. He wasn't sure if his eyes were open or closed; it was pitch black either way. He curled around himself with an agonized cry as pain shot through his sides and his arm. Over his ragged, whistling breath, he heard a door hit a wall as it was thrown open.

"Eddie? Eddie what's wrong?" Mike's voice asked.

"Mike!" gasped Eddie. He reached out blindly. "Mike! Mike."

"I'm right here, I'm right here." Mike's hand met his and soon his arms were wrapped around him.

"St-," Eddie started, but had to heave in lungfuls of air, "Stan- Stan's head-" His voice cracked.

The hall light flicked on and cast dim light into the guestroom. Stan,  _ adult  _ Stan with his head attached and the only growth being that mustache, walked towards them, where Eddie was practically rocking in Mike's arms. Eddie stared at Stan as he approached and when he was sure he was okay and his head wasn't going to fall off and crawl across the floor, Eddie sobbed between wheezes.

"Eddie, you gotta breathe," Mike said.

"Th-The library! Stan's head- you were- and Bowers and I couldn't reach you-!" Eddie saw spots dance across his vision as his voice rose to hysterical pitches.

"Where's his inhaler?" Stan asked over Eddie's wheezing. He'd already started going through Eddie's things when Mike said he didn't have it.

Mike shushed Eddie and pulled him to his chest. "With me, ok? Inhale and hold."

Eddie obeyed, and with Mike's following instructions, he exhaled. It was difficult and it hurt. Everything hurt. Another hand, Stan's, gripped his shoulder lightly as he breathed with Mike.

"You're safe here, Eddie," Stan promised.

Eddie let out a sob at Stan’s words. He reached out and yanked him closer until the three of them were holding each other again. He needed to hold them, needed to feel their bodies breathing against his and not bleeding out.

After Eddie’s sobs silenced and the tears dried, they somehow ended up lying on the bed altogether, curled around each other with Eddie in the middle. Stan began to snore lightly and Eddie turned his head so that it rested against his chest and closed his eyes. A few minutes later, he heard Patty come in to check on them and a blanket was pulled over them before she left again. Eddie’s eyes stung, and he wasn’t sure why he felt like crying because it was all so  _ good  _ now. Stan was alive and breathing next to him and he was living with a wife he loved and who loved him, and with the exception of the literal horrors of his pat coming to haunt him last month, he was happy. It was everything Stan deserved, and Eddie was overwhelmingly glad he was still alive to live it. 

He sniffled and a shaking hiccup of a breath escaped his lips as he felt Stan’s chest rise and fall against his ear. Almost immediately, Mike’s arm slid over Eddie’s middle and found his hand. He grabbed onto it and Eddie’s fingers closed around his back. Eddie’s body relaxed more and as he let out a tired sigh, it was like letting go of a heavy weight. Soon, he was asleep again.

* * *

Mike and Eddie ended up staying an entire week with Stan and Patty. They didn’t do much of anything in particular and stayed busy doing nothing. After everything that happened, it was like taking a long breath. During the day they watched birds and listened to Stan rattle off their names and facts as they laid in the grass. When it started to get dark, they caught fireflies and counted stars and made up ridiculous stories. They stayed up late watching movies that Patty picked (which ended up being the best ones Eddie had ever seen) and talking about the future. Stan and Patty wanted to have kids and Eddie thought they’d make great parents and their house was the perfect size to have a handful of little Uris’s running around. 

Eddie didn’t have any plans besides finding a place to live in California. He figured he could run the business remotely or possibly sell it and find something else. Mike was thinking about flying out to visit Bill and Audra in England when the road trip was over, but hadn’t thought of anything besides that. He didn’t feel particularly hard pressed to figure it out either. 

One afternoon, Eddie borrowed Stan’s phone to call Richie. On the fourth ring, Richie picked up and Eddie was irritated at the way his heart fluttered when he heard his voice.

“Hi Richie,” he said.

“Hey, Eddie Spaghetti! You know it’s kind of difficult to keep my promise to call you every week if I don’t know where in the world you’re going to be,” he said. 

“It’s a good thing I have your number,” Eddie replied. It felt funny saying that. Was he trying to flirt? It sounded special that Eddie had Richie’s number, but they were friends who lived far away from each other and that’s normal. This wasn’t a romcom. 

“Yeah, and that you use it. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you pulled the Giving-Me-The-Wrong-Number trick on me. Except it’d be worse, since it’s your  _ mom _ .”

“I’d only do that if you asked to call me for a date,” Eddie said with a laugh and tried to ignore the way his stomach flipped. 

“Oh, Eddie my  _ love _ , I’m crushed!”

“Crush or not, you’ll have to do better than that,” Eddie replied. He tried to make his voice sound stuffy and important. He’s flirting and playing with Richie so easily, and it was so fun, but also so awful because he wasn’t sure if it was real or just part of the act on Richie’s end and that was killing him.

“I’d slay dragons for you, I’d sail the longest seas, I’d face the biggest storms-” Richie continued the list and Eddie could sense the grand, sweeping gestures he was inevitably making along with the words. He couldn’t help how hard he laughed and he could hear the smile in Richie’s voice that made his heart ache to be with him.

When the dramatics came to an end, Eddie told him all about his and Mike’s travels so far and how Stan was, and isn’t Patty just the best? As they joked about their matching mustaches, Eddie sensed Richie’s attitude change.

“How are you?” he asked. He hoped Richie would take it more than a regular ‘how are you’ that people exchanged in passing at the grocery store. Eddie hoped Richie would see that he  _ really  _ wanted to know how he  _ really  _ was, that he _really_ , really cared. There was a slight pause before Richie answered, it was short but heavy with something. 

“I’m okay. A little stressed,” Richie admitted.

“How did things go with your agent?”

“Well, he’s not my agent anymore.”

“What? He doesn’t have a right to just bail on you for taking  _ emergency  _ time off-”

Richie chuckled. “Eddie, it’s okay, he didn’t bail on me. I fired him.”

“Oh. How come?”

Eddie heard the shrug on the other end. 

“He was a shitty agent, really.”

“What are you going to do?”

“I think I’m going to take a break for a while, stick to smaller acts in clubs and things. I haven’t done those for a while and I think they’ll be more fun anyway. Also, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, um,” Richie paused, “Would you maybe want to get an apartment or something with me?”

Eddie’s heart skipped a beat. “What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to- I just was thinking, after everything, I might change things up. Get a new place and… maybe share it with you? If you don’t want to go back to New York of course, I know with the business and stuff, and I don’t wanna-”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“Yes. Yeah, I’d get- I’d like to move in- get a place with you.” Eddie scowled and mentally cursed the way the words exited from his mouth. “We were just talking about what the future holds, and I decided I wanted to find a place out there anyway. I don’t want to go back home, or anywhere near it either really. I can figure out how to run the business remotely.”

“That’s great, Eddie,” Richie said. It came out all in one breath that sounded relieved. “I mean, that’s a big decision, but I’m happy for you. Also me, ‘cause sleepovers with my best friend every night.”

Eddie snorted. “You’re so impossible.”

“You’re high maintenance.”

“ _ Hey _ .”

“Straw’s cheaper.”

“Oh my god,” Eddie laughed. 

“Alright, Spaghetti Man, I gotta go clean up. I’ll talk to you again soon?”

“You can count on it.”

“Ok, one, two, thr-”

“Goodbye, Richie.”

“Goodbye, Eds. Love you.”

“I love you too, Richie,” Eddie said. The ache in his heart twinged a little again as he hung up the phone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, yeah, the skydance bridge wasn't constructed until like 2011 but whatever

Eddie and Mike left Stan and Patty’s with promises of more visits and to keep in touch. The promises were made with more conviction than the first time they parted as children, now with forgetting everything a known possibility, and Eddie was almost ready to tattoo all the losers’ names and phone numbers on his arm. But so far, none of them had shown any signs of forgetting. He hoped it stayed that way forever, even if he had to remember the bad. 

Eddie considered this as they sailed down the road. His heart raced as he remembered how close they all came to not making it. The way the air rushed through his hair as IT lifted him up, how he could have reached up and touched the ceiling of the cavern, but instead thrust his inhaler into IT’s mouth with all the belief he could muster, and how it felt when the muscles and bone in his arm began to seper-

“Which freeway do I need to get on?” Mike asked, ripping him from his thoughts.

Eddie blinked his eyes back into focus and rolled up the window. “I-20,” he answered. 

Mike nodded and took the appropriate turn. Eddie watched him and though Mike didn’t look at him, he knew he was being watched. 

“You’re staring,” he said, “What are you thinking about?” 

Eddie sighed. “Nothing we haven’t already talked about. I’m glad we’re together.”

Mike smiled as he merged onto the freeway. “Me too, Eddie.” 

“Hey, Mike,” Eddie asked after a few minutes. “Where are your parents now?”

Mike glanced at him with slight surprise for a second before turning his eyes back to the road. “They’ve both passed on now. Mom a few years back and Dad during high school.”

“Oh, Mike, I’m so sorry,” Eddie said. 

“Thanks, Eddie,” Mike said. His smile was soft and wistful as he looked out the windshield. 

“You know, I think your dad was probably the best in all of Derry,” Eddie said. 

“Oh me too,” grinned Mike, “But then again, I’m biased.”

Eddie snorted and they both laughed. 

“How did… how did it happen?”

Mike chewed on the inside of his lip and hesitated before answering. “It was cancer,” he admitted. 

Eddie looked at Mike. “When did he get it?”

“A couple years after we stopped IT the first time.” 

Eddie asked the year and when he found out, and Mike gave the dates to him, a little confused. 

“Why?” he asked as Eddie put a hand to his forehead.

“Your dad _really_ was the greatest, Mike,” Eddie said, “Do you remember that one time I ran away to your house in the middle of the night?”

“Yeah?”

“You and your mom went to set up a place for me to sleep in your room and I was… freaking out. Your dad got me a glass of milk and I remember sitting at your kitchen table and him talking to me. My mother had said something that evening, and I just hated to be around her but I believed everything she said and I was just so scared. About cancer, specifically.

Your dad told me not to worry about it. He told me not to worry, because even if I were to get it that I had people who loved me and would be with me every step of the way. He also said not to worry so much about getting sick and… well, everything, that can go wrong. He said it in a way that didn’t make me feel dumb about it, and I believed him. He must have known that he had it at that point.”

Mike smiled and nodded. “He had that way about him.” 

“He still does,” Eddie said, “That was one of the ways IT tried to get me, scaring me about cancer. I was always a little less scared because I remembered what your dad said that night.”

Mike’s eyes were damp when he looked at Eddie, but he smiled. “Thanks for telling me that.” 

Eddie smiled back and reached his hand out to hold onto Mike’s again. 

* * *

They drove through the night and reached Oklahoma City mid-morning. Exhausted but wired from caffeine still in their veins, they booked a room at a hotel and tried to explore the city. They ended up too tired to look at much and found a sandwich place to eat lunch at before sleeping the afternoon away. 

They got up that night to visit the Skydance Bridge while it was lit up and took pictures of each other on it with a polaroid Mike brought. As they started to cross the bridge, Eddie reached out and pushed Mike’s arm before taking off in a sprint.

“ _Tag!_ ” he shouted over his shoulder.

“Hey!” Mike laughed. His voice was faint over the wind and rush of traffic, but Eddie heard and laughed as Mike gave chase. “I’m gonna get you!” 

They chased and dodged each other’s reach until they wound up at the other end of the bridge, giggling and laughing and all out of breath. 

“Who won?” asked Mike between breaths.

“Definitely me,” Eddie panted. His body was warm and the air felt good when it hit his longs, cold and stinging.

“Oh yeah?” Mike threw an arm around the left of Eddie’s shoulders. “You think so?”

“That’s so unfair, Michael, I can’t reach you!” Eddie protested. He twisted around so he could get his arm around Mike’s neck. It was an awkward position and they both giggled as they stumbled down the sidewalk.

“You’re gonna make us fall,” Mike exclaimed. 

“Shut up and carry me, Michael Muscle,” Eddie demanded.

“‘Michael Muscle?’ Oh my god, leave the nicknames to Richie, _please_.”

Eddie was light and not very difficult to carry but they toppled into a giggling heap on the grass next to the sidewalk anyway.

“What do you think the people passing by are thinking?” Eddie asked. 

“That we’re drunk, probably,” Mike answered and they both fell into laughter again.

“Hey, come here,” Mike said, sidling closer to Eddie until their shoulders touched. He lifted up the camera. “Say cheese.”

“Parmesan- _OW_! That’s so bright!” Eddie said as the flash went off.

“Your eyes are just going to be obnoxious glowing orbs from your glasses.” 

“ _You’re_ an obnoxious glowing orb,” Eddie retorted through a grin as he rubbed his eyes.

“What does that _mean_?” Mike laughed. He rolled onto his side and put his forehead against Eddie’s shoulder.

Eddie threw his arm up, laughing. “I don’t know! You’re uh, you’re a star. Mike, you’re a star.”

“I’m a big ball of gas, yes, thank you, Edward.”

“That’s not what I meant!” 

As Mike and Eddie laughed up at the night sky, Eddie occasionally wheezed and found it hard to breathe. But it was only because he was laughing so hard and so freely, and in this moment, he was farthest from panicking about his lungs as he’d ever been. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i fucking LOVE my boys


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Halloween!

Instead of sticking to Route 66, Mike and Eddie turned North to visit Colorado to view the mountains there. In some places, skiing was already open. They stopped and took a day to learn and take lessons. Eddie’s sides began to ache after falling several times and with the cold, so after mastering the bunny hill and attempting the next hill up once or twice, he settled in the lodge for a hot chocolate. It turned out Mike excelled at skiing and it wasn’t long before he was tackling the more difficult hills. 

Eddie grinned as Mike waved to him from a lift and waved back. He shivered on the bench he sat at and decided to go back into the lodge to find a place for them to stay the night. His joints were stiff with cold, even under all the layers he had on, as he stood. Warmth greeted him as he went through the doors and after a moment his skin tingled as it heated up. Eddie took his gloves off and rubbed his hands together as he stopped in front of a stand full of brochures. He looked through one and found there wasn’t a large selection of places to choose from. 

He figured they would be here at least into the evening and be too tired to drive very far, so he settled on the hotel nearest the resort. Eddie squeezed past a large group of college-aged kids to the payphones and dialed the number to the hotel. When he finished booking a room with two beds, he turned around and found Mike coming in. 

“Hey, Eddie,” Mike said breathlessly as they met in the middle of the lodge. His cheeks were flushed and snow started to melt off of his hat and shoulders.

“Having fun?” Eddie grinned. 

“Oh yeah.”

They both got hot chocolates and sandwiches from the cafeteria for lunch and sat down at one of the tables. 

“I got us a room at a hotel called the Outlook,” Eddie said after swallowing a bite, “It’s not too far from here and seems really nice.”

“That’s great! You know how to get there?”

Eddie nodded his head and gave Mike a salute. “Navigator at the ready.”

After they ate, Eddie attempted to ski with Mike again which ended with them in a laughing heap together more than once. After a few more tries, he waved Mike off to keep going on the harder hills and bought himself a ticket for a scenic lift ride. He retrieved Mike’s camera from the car and bought himself another hot chocolate and a cookie from the lodge before the ride started. 

He had a seat all to himself and was happy for a moment of quiet solitude. The noise and bustle of the crowds at the foot of the mountain soon faded away as the lift slowly carried him towards the top of the mountain. He looked down as his legs dangled in the open air and his stomach swayed. He smiled as he remembered all the days he and the Losers spent at the Quarry and how they jumped from that high cliff. He sighed as he sat back and remembered all the times he and Richie had gone there alone together, just talking and seeing how far they could throw rocks. The air around him was cold and bit at his exposed nose and cheeks, but he felt so warm inside. 

It was a relaxing ride to the top of the mountain, and despite the already impressive views, Eddie almost dozed off once or twice. He walked off the lift and entered the open observation deck and gasped at the sight. The sun shone over miles of mountain peaks topped with snow and deep valleys and the sky was the bluest blue he had ever seen. It was like visiting someplace you had always seen in a painting you loved, but never expected to see in person. 

And here he was. 

It was majestic and beautiful in a way that Eddie could not find the words to describe in justice. He knew photographs would not do so either, but he lifted the camera up and snapped two anyway. He took the pictures and shook them before tucking them into the inside of his jacket pocket. 

Eddie looked back out across the world before him and took a deep breath. A strong, crisp breeze blew against his face and he felt like he was at the top of the world. With the opportunity to view this, and the circumstances and choices that led him to this moment, he supposed he really was. The sun was starting to get low by the time he convinced his feet to move back to the lift so he could return to the foot of the mountain, and as he was carried down he couldn’t stop smiling. 

* * *

The closer they got to the Outlook however, the less Eddie felt like smiling. Something felt off and he couldn’t figure out why. He constantly had the feeling that he was driving in the wrong direction, but after having Mike check the map on the brochure twice, he knew he wasn’t. Mike didn’t look comfortable either. Eddie blamed it on their long day. They were both exhausted and that was why he kept seeing… Eddie shook his head and blinked. Why  _ did  _ he keep picturing a hallway being flooded with blood from a pair of elevators? He hoped they’d get to the hotel soon, he was already practically in dream land. He turned his thoughts towards Bev and Ben and wondered what they were doing. 

When they finally arrived at the Outlook, the sun was nearly gone and Eddie was on edge. He didn’t want to be here. He looked at Mike and saw he was tense too, his fists balled up on top of the armrests. 

“We could… leave?” Eddie suggested.

Mike’s tongue ran slowly over his lower lip and Eddie knew he was thinking. 

“Let’s check it out,” he said finally.

Eddie nodded.

They got out of the car and started towards the hotel that cast a dark shadow over the parking lot as it towered above them. They didn’t take their luggage from the trunk. 

The inside of the hotel seemed pleasant enough. It was big and grandiose and people milled around in the lobby and back and forth from a large ballroom and bar. Somehow Eddie didn’t like it, he thought Ben could design something better. Ben. Ben and Bev. Beverly. Beverly whose bathroom sink had brought forth an explosion of blood once upon a time. 

“Marsh- Uh-  _ Kaspbrak _ , I’m here about a room for Kaspbrak,” Eddie said to the clerk at the desk.

“Certainly, just one moment, sir.”

Eddie nodded and looked around. He noticed movement near an entrance to the ballroom and watched a man disappear inside, holding an axe. Then, his heart jumped as his eyes fell on the bloody, mutilated bodies of twin boys, no more than eleven years old sprawled across the floor between Eddie and the entryway. A pool of blood beneath them grew from the gaping wounds where their left arms should have been. His eyes made their way to their faces and then his heart all but stopped as he recognized the dead stare of the boys’. It was his own, they were both his own, as his face had been in childhood. 

His breath whistled in his throat and he blinked. When he opened his eyes, the bodies had been replaced by two girls instead, holding hands and both unharmed. Not a splatter of blood or himself could be seen. 

Eddie’s heart hammered in his chest as he stared at the girls. Suddenly their blank stares back turned into smiles before they began to walk away. Eddie blinked again and they were gone. The image of their bodies and missing arms did not disappear from his mind however and he looked around wildly for Mike. When he couldn’t spot him, Eddie moved away from the front desk with panic rising in his chest. He heard the clerk call after him, but he didn’t stop, he just shouted over his shoulder.

“Cancel my reservation!”

All his attention was on finding Mike, and somehow,  _ impossibly _ , he knew where to find him. For a split second he knew the layout of the entire hotel and knew exactly where Mike was. He hadn’t gone far and Eddie almost collided with him in his rush as he rounded a corner. Mike was staring directly ahead at a pair of elevators. The lights above them flashed as they came down and finally dinged when they reached the floor. Eddie’s entire body was rigid and he wanted to run. They needed to run, but like Mike, he was rooted to the spot as the doors slid open. 

Inside the two cabs was a single yellow balloon. Suddenly they turned red as blood splattered against them and began to flood out into the corridor. Eddie felt Mike’s hands on him and he was yanked back. Now they were running and they ran all the way out of the hotel doors and to the car. 

Eddie fumbled with the key and turned the ignition. He punched the gas and they sped through the parking lot. 

“Was that  _ IT _ ?” he all but shrieked. “That couldn’t be IT, we killed IT!”

He could have sworn he felt the car tip slightly as he took a turn down the long driveway of the exit. 

“No, no,” Mike said. He was almost completely twisted around in the passenger seat, staring out the back window. 

They turned onto the main road and Eddie flew down it. 

“Eddie,” Mike said, “Eddie,  _ Eddie _ , slow down.”

Eddie realized that, in contrast to Mike’s steady and impossibly calm voice, he was almost hyperventilating. He swallowed a large lungful of air and slowed the car down so that he was only driving ten over the speed limit. 

“What just happened?” he asked.

“It wasn’t IT,” Mike said with certainty. “It didn’t feel like IT.”

Eddie thought he was right, whatever was at the hotel, or whatever the hotel was, wasn’t IT. But Eddie didn’t doubt for a second that it hadn’t  _ used  _ IT against them.

“Yeah,” Eddie agreed vocally. He swallowed a lump in his throat. “Whatever that was… knew about IT?” He frowned as he spoke. 

“Yeah. Did you see anything besides the elevators?” Mike asked.

Eddie nodded. “Two girls with… with their arms hacked off.”

Mike looked at him through the dark and Eddie asked what he’d seen.

“You,” Mike said, “And the others.”

He was quiet for a moment and Eddie knew there was more. 

“Tell me,” Eddie said softly. 

“Your bodies were being eaten by a giant bird,” Mike said. 

Eddie swallowed. He wished he could reach over and hold Mike’s hand again, to comfort him and get a little comfort of his own. But he couldn’t, so he kept on driving and they rode along in silence. No words were exchanged, and the silence held its own comfort of simple company between them. 

With adrenaline coursing through their veins, they didn’t feel compelled to stop except to fill up on gas and use the bathroom after a couple of hours. When they got back into the car, Mike at the wheel this time, Eddie found himself surprised at how they hadn’t needed to stop since they left the ski resort. They had had such a full day there, it was a wonder they were still so awake. He’d expected they’d be beat. 

He mentioned this to Mike, who looked at him oddly. 

“It’s because we…” Mike trailed off and frowned in confusion as he stared ahead at the road. “Huh… I thought we stopped  _ somewhere _ . We must have stopped and rested?”

Eddie shook his head. “I don’t remember stopping. Maybe that hot chocolate was spiked.”

They both chuckled at that, but Eddie felt like something was off. He dismissed it and asked Mike when he started working at the Derry Public Library and Mike launched into the story of he came to be a librarian. 


	11. Chapter 11

Mike and Eddie’s next big stop was Zion National Park, which held even more breath-taking views. They stayed there almost two weeks to hike and explore. Each hike was exhilarating, and some were even dangerous. It was a danger that Eddie appreciated though. One they chose and weren’t chosen for, one they could turn away from if it was too much but one they didn’t want to. Maybe they were going mad, Eddie thought as he peeked down a cliffside. 

They hiked and climbed and left their handprints over all of the main attractions and stayed in a small cabin, no larger than a hotel room. It had a bunk bed and they fell into an argument over who got to sleep on the top. It wasn’t a real argument and neither of them really cared who slept where, but it was fun to bicker and poke harmless fun at each other. Each night they bundled up to cook hot dogs and make smores over a campfire and look at the endless blanket of stars above them. Before they left, they both got sweatshirts and Mike bought a postcard of each place they hiked. 

From Zion, they started for the Grand Canyon. The sun was setting as they arrived and they booked a room at a motel. They dumped their stuff on the beds and as Eddie headed for the shower, Mike called Bill again. Eddie planned to call Richie afterwards. They were so close to California now and thinking about it made Eddie’s stomach flip with excitement. All he could think about was hugging Richie again. There was something special about his hugs, how his long arms wrapped so tightly around him and the way it felt like they just fit together.

Eddie’s daydreaming was cut short when he stepped out of the bathroom and Mike looked at him. He paused and brought the towel down from his hair. 

“Mike? Are you ok?”

“Yes,” Mike answered. 

“What’s wrong?”

Mike licked his lips and looked thoughtful.

“Is  _ Bill  _ ok?”

“Yes. It’s… your mother.”

Eddie’s heart jumped against his ribcage, but now he said nothing. Thoughts of every bad scenario ran through his brain like lightning, each violent strike worse than the last. It was November now, it’d been over a month since they’d spoken. She had called the police, claiming he’d been kidnapped, she probably got Bill arrested-  _ he  _ probably got Bill arrested by running off like that. What if the police were looking for him and Mike now? What if they arrested Mike? No, Mike said Bill was fine. He would have said if he’d been arrested. Something else happened- his mother was in an accident, or worse, she killed herself. Eddie ran away and disappeared and she killed herself in her agony. He should have called her, now her life was-

“She’s looking for you,” Mike said, voice breaking through his thoughts. 

“Huh?” Eddie said. He blinked, unsure how long he’d been standing there. 

“Your mother’s looking for you,” Mike said softly. 

“Oh.”  _ She wasn’t dead, she wasn’t dead, he didn’t kill her, she wasn’t dead. _

“Audra ran into her at the grocery store-”

“At the grocery store?”

Mike nodded. “Bill says she’s doing her own shopping now in the hopes she’ll find you.”

Eddie felt a pang of guilt. 

“She called the police for help, but they won’t help her because you’re a grown man who can make his own choices and decide to go on a road trip. She’s insisting you’re in danger though.”

“Oh.” Eddie’s voice was small. He wondered why he couldn’t say more. 

Mike stood up and gently pried Eddie’s fingers from the white knuckle grip he had on the towel. 

“Eddie?”

Eddie turned his eyes up to Mike’s and his breath caught in his throat. 

“Eddie. Are you okay?” 

“Y-,” Eddie bit his lip and his eyes stung. He let them drop from Mike’s kind gaze and shook his head. 

Mike pulled him against his chest and wound his arms around him. Eddie buried his face into his sweater and wrapped his arm around Mike’s middle. 

“I should call her,” Eddie said. “I should have called her already.”

“You don’t have to,” Mike said softly. 

Eddie took a breath and tugged away from Mike. He really felt like he did. “I know.”

* * *

An hour and a half later, Eddie finally hung up on his mother. He was angry and tired and he returned it to the receiver with a slam. He’d already told her everything he could when he jumped out of the tree with Mike and Bill and it was like playing a broken record. There was no point in saying more when he’d said it all before. 

Mike had left a while earlier to pick something up for dinner and Eddie was alone in the motel room. His mother’s voice echoed in his head, along with his own screaming thoughts, and his skin crawled. He stood up and went to the bathroom to shower again. He turned the water hot and scrubbed and scrubbed until his skin felt raw. 

He lost track of time, but after several rounds of scrubbing his whole body and simply standing under the water, a knock on the bathroom door made him jump.

“You okay in there, Eddie?” asked Mike. 

“Yeah- Yeah! I’ll be right out!” Eddie called back. 

He scrubbed down and rinsed once more before he turned off the water and dried off with a fresh towel. He threw on the Smithsonean hoodie with the train and a pair of cotton pajama bottoms he bought in a gas station at some point. He felt like he swamped in blankets as he opened the door. He was glad too, for it was noticeably cooler outside the steam filled bathroom.

“What did you get?” Eddie asked as the smell of good food hit his nostrils. 

“I found a barbeque place down the street, got two different kinds of brisket, some pulled pork, and ribs. Mac ‘n’ cheese and garlic potatoes, and you gotta try these biscuits with the honey. They smelled so good on the way back that I had to try one,” Mike said. He handed a half of one to Eddie as he came over and Eddie had to agree it was one of the best biscuits he’d ever had. 

“How are you doing?” Mike asked. 

“It was rough, but I’m okay now,” Eddie said. 

Mike patted his shoulder and they sat down at the little motel table to tuck into their food. 

* * *

The Grand Canyon was another breathtaking stop. They joined the first mule ride at 8AM to tour the canyon and afterwards ventured onto the skywalk. Mike, of course, took several pictures and Eddie’s favorite of that day were the ones they took laying on the glass floor. It looked like they were floating above the canyon below. 

When they finished their exploring and returned, dead on their feet, to the hotel, they spent the rest of the night watching old westerns on the little television set. Eddie started to doze between gunfights by the third movie until he was lulled to sleep, his mind drifting on a memory of playing cowboys with Mike and Bill in the Barrens. He was tugged from the memory, or dream, by quiet sounds. When he looked through half-open eyelids, the light had been shut off but the TV was still on, casting black and white shadows on the walls. Credits rolled and music played but the sound Eddie heard did not come from the TV.

Mike drew a shuddering breath on the bed next to him and Eddie's brain lurched fully awake. Mike was curled up against the pillows, facing the TV and viewing it through half-closed eyes. Eddie saw tear tracks glisten in the light. He rolled over to his feet and switched beds to lay next to Mike.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Bad dream," Mike whispered.

Eddie nodded and shifted closer to him. "You want to talk about it?"

Mike shook his head no. "I wish they would stop," he whispered again, even quieter now.

"I know," Eddie said. He leaned his head down on top of Mike's and Mike rolled closer to cling to him, an embrace Eddie returned.

"I'm glad you're here, Eddie," Mike said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry I had to call you, but I'm so glad you came, but I'm so sorry, I-"

"Hey, hey, shh," Eddie said as Mike's voice began to break with each word, "It's okay, Mike. I'm here. I love you. We all love you. It's okay."

Mike sniffled against Eddie's chest and Eddie ran his hand through his hair.

"It's okay," he said again. "Do you want me to tell you about the dream I was having? It was a good one."

Mike nodded and Eddie began to tell him about playing cowboys in the Barrens. Mike's arm and his grip on Eddie's hoodie relaxed as he spoke and it wasn't long before he fell asleep. Eddie kept speaking though, even when the story of the memory was done. He told Mike's sleeping form more good times that he remembered. He recounted all the good times his own sleepy mind could remember to Mike until his eyes couldn't stay open any longer and he trailed off mid-sentence when sleep overtook him again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i started out editing each chapter before i posted it, but like. i haven't been doing that! i am busy and my mental health is off the shits, so if the quality of the writing has declined the last few chapters, my apologies and thank you for understanding!


	12. Chapter 12

The next day they stopped for an early lunch at a diner in Kingman, Arizona and visited the Arizona Route 66 Museum and Powerhouse Visitor Center. The two of them enjoyed the displays of old vehicles and the history, and each had a hard time tearing one from their respective interests. They also decided on a quick visit to the Mohave Museum, but Eddie lost Mike to the research facility for an hour and a half. He didn’t mind though. This was for Mike and Eddie didn’t care where they went or how long they stayed as long as he was having fun. 

Eddie wandered the rest of the museum himself, exploring each exhibit with a childlike fascination. It felt a little odd to be walking about by himself, it was a nice feeling of independence. He’d give that up to be walking around the museum with Richie though. Eddie smiled to himself as he imagined Richie with him. He’d be interested in the history for a bit at first maybe, before going off about a movie he saw once that one of the exhibits reminded him of. He’d do terrible cowboy impressions, and maybe of a conductor, and Eddie would laugh. Eddie shook his head now and brought his thoughts back down to earth. He had passed a train exhibit, thinking about Richie. He stepped a few paces back to it to investigate and learn further.

Before they left, Eddie bought a bumper sticker with ‘Route 66’ and a little image of a road on it that he stuck to the car. It felt weird to do so, he’d never put a sticker on a car before, certainly not on any of the limousines. It seemed unprofessional, even for a personal car. Today, he loved it. Mike also bought a few stickers that he stored with his pictures. 

Over the course of their trip, Eddie had gotten used to driving one handed, and he was glad of it. Especially now, so close to seeing Richie again. He didn’t think he could handle sitting in the passenger seat for too long. Even talking non-stop with Mike about the museum, his thoughts would turn to Richie and he’d be too antsy with anticipation for comfort. His heart thumped harder and his stomach flipped more every with each closing mile. Eddie had called him after they left the museums to let him know they would be there tomorrow morning.  _ Tomorrow morning _ . Eddie hadn’t stopped grinning since he’d hung up with Richie either.

They spent the night in Barstow, California where they both slept soundly. In the morning, Eddie called Richie and left a voicemail that they were on their way. He thought it was odd when Richie didn’t answer, but he figured he was still sleeping. By 8:15AM, Eddie and Mike had overpriced coffees from Starbucks and were on the road again. They should be at Richie’s in Beverly Hills by 10:30. Eddie opted to drive since he had more experience in high traffic areas, and realized too late that he couldn’t really drink his coffee unless they were at a complete stop. That wasn’t too big of a deal, for they came to a couple stops on the 210 freeway. 

Eddie shivered as he swallowed a sip of his drink and returned it to the cupholder. 

“Ugh, I’m cold,” he said and turned the heater up a little.

“Why’d you get an  _ iced  _ coffee?” Mike asked.

“They taste  _ good _ , Michael.”

“You can get pretty much the same thing, but hot,” Mike laughed. 

“It’s not the same.”

“Because it’s warm and you wouldn’t be suffering.”

“Ssssssshhhhhhhh, it’s fine, it’s fine, it’s fine,” Eddie said as the freeway began to move again. “I thought California was supposed to be hot and sunny all the time. Why wouldn’t I get a cold coffee?”

Mike just grinned and shook his head. “Now you’ll know better next time.”

“Exactly.” 

“How are you feeling?” Mike asked. 

His tone had changed slightly and Eddie glanced sideways at him for a second. 

“Nervous,” he admitted, “happy, excited.” 

He wanted to ask Mike if he knew whether or not Richie liked him back, but that was a little too juvenile for him. No, he’d figure it out with Richie himself like an adult. Being an adult was so terrifying sometimes. 

* * *

Eddie’s stomach was complete butterflies as they turned onto Richie’s street. His insides may as well have been playing jump rope with each other as all the emotions he could barely decipher coursed through him. He leaned forward and read off each house address, eagerly waiting for his eyes to fall on Richie’s. 

He spotted it and knew even before he could read the number that it was Richie’s. A familiar red convertible was parked haphazardly in the driveway. Actually, it was parked rather strangely, he thought as Mike parked on the street; like someone had rushed there. 

The garage door was open, and they were surprised to see Ben walking out from the house as they exited the car. 

“Ben?” Mike asked with a grin.

“Mike! Eddie!” Ben exclaimed, stopped in the driveway. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” Mike asked. 

Eddie suddenly felt ice in his stomach as they closed the distance between each other and got a good look at Ben’s face. 

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

Ben hesitated and looked at Mike, then Eddie again. “Richie’s okay. He’s going to be okay, but he’s…”

He hesitated and Eddie’s breath felt short. 

“He’s what?”

“He’s in the hospital.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this completes the first installment of good company :) stay tuned for part 2

**Author's Note:**

> 👀👀👀


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